You didn't ask for it but you are gettin' it. Stoopid Stuff that I see, get sent, etc that would warrent being on such a site. These are goona make ya giggle....
This was on Ebay where a guy was selling his BBQ. Now this is no ordinary BBQ. This is your stock standard, honest, down to earth, no metrosexual BBQ. Bathe in the awesomeness of this little baby....
I have added just a snippet of the Q and A's. Here is the link but I am sure it will be removed eventually:
Grab yourself a Christmas bargain today, dont wait, get in quick !
Just in time for Christmas, here is the ultimate in old school culinary accessories. Do you remember the days before soy latte double decaf drinkers redesigned the humble bbq and took it from a thing of beauty to a multifunctional disaster ? I mean, how many of you have one of these monstrosities, do you really need a side burner for a wok ? Do you need to know what the temperature is on the plate ? Hot or cold, cooked or raw, these simple terms seem forgotten in these modern days when you can cook a fish with thai spices and a side of dahl and some gazpacho soup (WTF ??? Who does this ???).
Hark back to the days when the measure of a man was how he handled the bbq tongs and a beer, not how shiny the hood of his bbq was ? Lets face it, a real man’s strength, honor and vision used to be proven regularly to all by the way he cooked his meat on the bbq. A bbq was more than just a glorified business meeting or a get together with the other girls, it was life itself to a man. You could have your mates around, stand around the bbq and feel the burn on your skin of the spattering fat from the snags, the smoke from the scorched meat and finish it all off with an ice cold beer – each man remembering those days not so long ago when we would hunt, kill and eat whatever prey we felt like.
This amazing vintage find is a solid and sturdy bbq, with plenty of seasoning to the plate - including a special blend of eucalypt blossom and assorted native pollens to give your creations a great Australian taste and to demonstrate to all that you are no double decaf soy latte drinking metrosexual, you are a man, cooking meat on your bbq. No, you cant steam vegetables or make a soup, nor will it tell you the temperature or massage your feet, but you will regain your masculinity and strike a blow against metrosexualism.
Sure, it might have aged a little and some of the bright shiny things aren’t as bright and shiny as they used to be so if you are trying to impress your boyfriends then this probably isn’t the bbq for you.
Starting at only $1, you can see that this sale is more of a community service helping us all get back to the days when all you needed to know about bbq was put the cold stuff on the hot stuff, drink a stubbie, pull of the hot stuff and bloody well eat it.
Pickup only from Carramar and preferably by ute with dog.
Questions from other members : Real Man's BBQ - Not for metrosexuals or latte drinkers
Question & Answer
Q: Hey maaate. I was just wondering why you’ve listed this item on EBAY – which is surely the internet equivalent of a stainless steel, wok equipped BBQ with latte holders? Next time you might like to try listing it on HE-BAY – which is where you’d normally find this sort of retrosexual gear. There’s a barbie just like yours up for sale on HE-BAY. Not only is the highest bid up at $47 – it also comes with accessories - a free Holden HK Premier cylinder head (holds 6 stubbies). I guess you’re trying to do a community service by reaching out to a broad metrosexual audience. Thought I should let you know about HE-BAY though in case you want to turn this into a business.....
A: Thanks matey, you hit the nail on the head, this is a community service not a money spinner.
Q: Greetings from Rockingham (proud home of the bogun) I have a question for you my good man. Is this exquisite item of engineering genius capable of producing cooked steak to the extremely precise and delicate levels of "Bloke Rare” and if so, have the gas jets recently been calibrated to; hot, a bit hot and not hot? You see, when myself and my blokeist colleagues retire to mansland (the veranda) of an evening to discuss topical issues of the day, such as; why holdens are mintox, political non-correctness, thongs and the role of dessert boots in the modern world. We have two golden rules...nay golden laws. They are as follows; 1. Though shalt always provide quality beer of the coldest coldestness. 2. Though shalt always cook steak using the traditional “rip its horn off and wipe its arse” mentality. As a learned member of the bogan brotherhood, you can undoubtedly see the quandary that I myself could face if I were to buy a barbie of inferior quality and performance, thus endangeri
A: Ah, Rockingnam, yes that was not a typo. This precision instrument has four settings, cold, hot, hotter, bloody hot and thats it. If you whack your snags on when she is hot, you will have an amazing culinary experience, better than one of that Sting clown's tantric day long orgasms. Just on that, what the hell is wrong with that guy ? Whats wrong with the standard 2 minutes of foreplay followed by 1-2 minutes of passionate love making ? Some people are odd.
Q: I had a BBQ just like this one, but my wife made me take it to the tip. Now all I have is nine bricks strategically arranged with a bit of checkerplate on top. I must admit that my metrosexual, SNAG acquaintances ( I'm not going to call them types mates) can't understand how my bogan BBQ cooks better than their Mastercard monstrosities. Anyway, what I wanted to know is, will I get to your place from Sydney on one tank of fuel in my V8 ute so I can pick it up?
A: In short, the answer to your question is simple, yes. As long as you leave the ute home and send the missus over here to pick up the bbq.
Q: I think you've stolen my bbq, man that looks similar to mine, great for cooking turtles and dugons!!! Looks like a cracker, wish I had room for it!!!
A: Shes a little beauty Barney me old mate... You should make yourself some room. Take everything shiny that you see right now, load it into the trailer and take it up the Salvos, they might even have a bbq like this one you can take back to your place and install before the missus notices the shiny things are gone.
Q: Just reading the questions posted has filled me with an immense amount of pride, and also disappointment. You may in fact pass into maryrdom in giving up this - well can only be described as an "icn" - of Australiana for the greater good. As such I cannot bring myself to bid. I though wish to contribute, as I am from Tasmania the metrosexual plague is just reaching into our hold, but we are not lost like those in other states. As such we too have many icons of our own, I feel we need to take this naitonal, that's right. With the supplies we have we can make a difference.
A: Fight hard brother, never give up to the metrosexual tide, if you do it will wash over you and everything you love. If you let it get a foot hold, no longer will you be asking questions like "where is my flaming guttin knife ?" or "strewth, whose that flaming bludger ?" it will be things like "dash the beastly thing, its gone and done a widdle in my shandy" and "does my abs look big in this mesh tank top ?"
Q: Hi, I just wanted to say I'm very impressed with your spelling and grammer. It is refreshing to see you haven't used any past tense except where it's needed. There's nothing worse than hearing "I seen that, he done this and it's them blokes". Also "bought and brought" are used correctly. Outstanding stuff, I wish you every success with your auction.
A: Thanks cobber, its good to know that the inventor of scrabble approves.
Q: If you are the true blue, red blooded, meat pies, kangaroos etc Aussie bloke you say you are, what the hell are you going to do for a BBQ once you sell the SS (or XR8 for those who are close to turning metro) once this little gem finds a new home? And if you are the true blue etc. Aussie bloke, how did you pass the test to live in Carramar? There are a few cracks in the story champ.
A: Sorry to pop your bubble princess but as I have said several times before, I use my manifold to cook up me snags now. Perhaps you should stop sipping lattes whilst watching Matlock and put your money where you mouth is and try to get back some of your retrosexualism ? I can help you mate but first you got to help yourself.
Q: Gday Pal, I have one just like it but I'm thinking if i buy yours aswell it would increase my blokeyness twice as much?? would you hold it againt me if i win this ripper instead of a latte drinking nancy depriving him the chance or reclaiming his manhood?
A: Not at all my friend, your heart is in the right place, you intend on spreading the retro with this beast so if you win, it is a cosmic thing.
Q: She's a bloody beaut mate, I just got one question before I bid... do you have a welder? I would want to throw it on the back of me dirt bike and I would be doing about 300k's of dirt tracks to get this little baby home, so I was thinkin' if ya have a welder we could just weld the barbie to my bikes subframe and away I'd go?? Rhino
A: Sure do Rhino, do you need oxy, mig or stick ?
Q: Holly Hell , i like the look of this would like it if you send this bloody good looking machine over the ditch to NZ i could add a few more spices to the growth you have there , There be a stubbie in it for you , i am entering into Master chef NZ and do with some help in producing some wicked tastes.
A: Sorry buddy but I dont like the cut of NZ's jib. Ive got a few NZ mates and all but they would probably try to bury the bbq and put the meat on top or something. No offence but I cannot afford to let this icon traverse the sea to the land of the kiwi burger, chilly bins or jandals. As for masterchef, unless you are an overweight, rich, IT company owning mother of 6,000 you got no chance of winning, at least not in Australia.
Q: Hi Mate - as you are a true Australian can the winning bid be paid in beer? cheers
A: Of course, is this a trick question ? Beer is ace, Money is acer...
Q: Before I place a competitive bid I wonder if you could allay a concern I have in relation to the provenance of the item. You see one night when I fell asleep during disc three of ‘Lost’ (series 2 - the earlier episodes were a bit boring) I was awoken by some grunting noises in my backyard but just assumed it was koalas rooting again in the eucalypts. But you could imagine my horror the next day when I went out for my morning leak and found that my pride and joy was missing. Do you have a receipt for this item or did you buy it from Old Mate?
A: Nah mate, this bbq appeared one day out of a dust storm after a big thunderstorm, there was a crack of lightning over the canefield and there she was.
Q: To the paradigm of Aussie manliness I am a trueblue Aussie shiela with a problem: all the blokes I encounter are more interested in art galleries and theatre, or making me duck a l'orange with microherbs & stir-fried sea greens on their stainless steel electric bbqs, to notice that what I yearn for is a man in a blue wifebeater flipping snags with his tough, calloused hand while I fetch him a beer. I can see from your product and attitude that you are different. s700s, will you be the sausage to my bun? Will you be the grease to my tongs, the ring pull to my beer? Think about it. We could spend the summer evenings, the gentle Cammeray breeze playing about our ankles, the silence only interrupted by the spitting of snags & millionaire hotseat on the telly, cooking up a storm & celebrating Aussie manhood. It's not enough that you auction this symbol, nay, tool, nay, weapon, of manhood. Me & all the other genuine Aussie shielas out there demand that you yourself go up on ebay for sale.
A: As much as I would love to acquiesce your request, alas, for all you ladies out there I am taken. Ive got meself a ripper sheila who loves nothing more than to sit out the back, listening to the snags fry away in their own grease on the manifold of the HJ wagon as she gently idles along. We take romantic walks to the local fish and chip shop to point and laugh at all the poms about the place. She is the sauce to my snag, the coke to my bourban so sorry ladies, but Im a happily retrosexual man with a bonza sheila to boot.
Q: Giday, I had one just like this,but some low life knocked it off. I know it wasn't you cause mine had the rip off a bit of carton and stand back ignition(not the red button type). My question to you is this. I am a shiela a beer swilling, ute & dog type shiela. If i am luky enuff to win this treasure will i grow tesicles and/or a beard.Oh and my second question is what is a latte? Thanks, I WILL BRING A CARTON WHEN I PICK IT UP.
A: Hey there Megsy. No need for the testicles, your lady bits can be as retrosexual as our blokey bits. Sheilas usually retrosexualise in the form of not wanting to watch anything on telly during the day, except sport, or any serial that has or will star someone from a crappy pop band. Sheilas also start to get more of a blokey sex drive, that is to say, they drink heaps, fall over and go to sleep or if they do pick up, they do the deed and they are the ones to roll over and fall straight to sleep. Your carton will always be welcome and being a lady is no handicap, you should embrace your sex and your retrosexuality.
Q: This is the sort of BBQ that belongs out on the verandah 24/7/365. Is it coded for a Category 3 Cyclone or is there some included attachments, besides those balancing beer costers, which might assist in getting a good feed during a stiff breeze and horizontal rain?
A: Look mate, to be honest, unless this bbq wants to move, it aint going nowhere, especially for some tossy little breeze.
Q: Just need to check that nobody has drunk Superdry near this BBQ? Does it do jumps?
A: No. Superdry is metrosexual plus beer. Anything that metro that came near this bbq would be vapourised into a cloud of pot pouri smelling smoke which in turn would be replaced by the smell of the snags cooking on this little beauty.
Q: Hi, wow, this looks like just what I’m looking for to impress the inlaws when they come around for dinner New Year Eve! Could you tell me though, the overall dimensions of the cooking surface? I have issues with my current set up not being big enough to cook an Emu I hit a few weeks back. He’s currently taking up all of the space I reserve for undersized crayfish in the chest freezer out in the shed and I’d really like to cook that bugger. NYE would be the perfect festive occasion. Would you consider a trade? I have an excellent quality victa lawnmower engine ( rest of mower is not attached, mowing the lawn is for metro’s, I put a 44 gallon drum ontop of it and now it’s a mobile esky), it runs well, even when you get the 2 stroke mix a bit rich.
A: This bbq could definately help you out. Im not really looking for a trade, Ive got a half dozen mowers out back in various states of play. You see, mowers are the grown retrosexual mans version of lego and we all gotta play with something, right ?
Q: Gday mate, Is that fresh lawn clippings sprinkled over the BBQ and is this for any particular reason? If so, do you have a retrosexual lawnmower that I could buy to give my own semi-manly BBQ the finishing touches? Thanks, Rambo
A: No Rambo, it is a special mix of native pollens and eucalypt flowers, it gives you that - Ive just woken up in a pool of my own spew and need to cook up a feed of snags and drink some beers taste.
Q: This is not so much a question, but a plea. Given the level of interest, yet lack of financial commitment todate, I hear that metros are plotting to purchase this iconic cooking apparatus with a view to its destruction after collection. Whilst I’m confident in your skills of detection when the lucky purchaser comes to your door, I feel that the only way to truly protect such a valuable piece of Aussie history would be to donate it to the Australian National Museum, where it could stand along side the Hills Hoist & Victa Mower, preserved forever. Obviously a condition of any donation would involve at least an annual lighting (using the red button) of the flame on Australia Day. I leave this important decision in your capable hands, you know what to do. www.nma.gov.au/collections/donating_objects
A: Thankyou my friend. I will look into it, the future of Australia is in our hands.
Q: Unfortunately I already am an owner of a hoodie, however it's easily modified when my metrofriends come over, so I can pretend. However I'm hoping you can help with some marinade recipes? Cheers
A: Sure, take some of that moisturiser you rub into your head and soak your frothy latte in that before throwing it into your own face. Wake up man ! Pretending isnt fooling anyone, you are slipping deeper and deeper into metrosexuality, buy this lifeline and pull yourself out.
Stoopid Stuff 